“Furious that ‘kneeling football man’ got more attention than his threats of nuclear Armageddon, Kim Jong-Un kneels during a 24-hour loop of American National Anthem.”
Unidentified sources in Pyongyang send word that the dear leader is “furious and disgusted” over the current political climate in the US. North Korean Foreign Minister, Ri-Yong Ho, declared on Tuesday that the “severe insults and provocations of the US would not go unanswered.”
Kim Jong-Un Releases Public Statement
In his first public statement on the topic, authoritarian dictator (and otherwise unthreatening potato man) Kim Jong-Un took to his state news outlet on Tuesday, with a message for the American people:
“We literally threatened to annihilate your country with nuclear weapons, in front of the UN general assembly, and all you people seem to care about is this kneeling football nonsense.” Kim shouts into his circa 1950’s surplus soviet microphone.
“Whatever happened to ‘Rocket Man’? My regime has spent over 20 years developing apocalyptic weaponry and shitting on international law… what does an evil dictator have to do to get some respect around here?”
A Think Liberty independent investigation has confirmed the following.: In an unprecedented act of retaliation, the pudgy man-child has set up massive speaker systems around the country, which are playing the US national anthem on an endless loop.
In an apparent ploy to garner attention, Un has been seen kneeling publicly while the US anthem plays on in the background.
Asked why he thought this was appropriate, Un responded:
“Look, I don’t get it either, man. But, if this is what it takes to irritate the Americans, so be it.”
You can read more by Kevin Shaw on Think Liberty here.